The /co/nservatory Wiki
Hazel 1330808953520

Real Name



The Red Squirrel


Sword in the Stone






unknown due to conversion of squirrel years to human years

Remember that squirrel from Disney's The Sword in the Stone? This is her as a human.


On June 23rd, 2008 someone decided to make a sad thread about how Arthur rejected the red squirrel that had a crush on him and, whenever /co/ gets sad, they make shit up to feel happy again.

Animoose drew a humanized red squirrel being cute/flirty with Arthur and it took off from there with numerous bits of story telling and drawfaggotry. After the initial creation in 2008, some asshole decided he didn't like it and no one else should like it either so he spammed it everyday until everyone was sick of it, because of that it wasn't until 2012 that anything else was done with her.

The original stuff is all cute and mushy and sometimes sexy (a lot of sexy sometimes) and the newer stuff is more story driven.

Original Writefaggotry (2008)

Hazel pasta

Screencap of the original story (2009 repost)

And when Arthur awoke, he knew he was no longer in Avalon, where gargoyle wings cast shadows over incandescent gardens. He knew first that he was grown young - or never grown old at all. His head was not bowed by years under a crown, nor his hands calloused from too long spent fighting.

But it had not been a dream, for the sorcerer was still with him, hand holding his, helping him to his feet.

Wart coughed and blinked. There were twigs in his hair from the tree he'd just fallen out of. "What did I..."

"Oh, remembered it, did you?" Merlin asked, adjusting his spectacles and flattening his mustache. "The future. Yes, that's what it's like for me. Always remembering things that haven't happened yet. Sorry if some of it rubbed off on you."

There were faces in his mind - noble faces, ugly faces, beautiful ones and cruel ones - and he knew their intentions.

When he looked up, he saw the friend from his most recent adventure, somehow seeming quite expressively astonished for a squirrel.

"Say, Merlin... would it be alright if I tried to change it?"

"Oh, yes. It's not set in stone, you know. Well, some of it is, but we'll come to that. But what will you do differently?"

"How would it be... if I had help, sir?"

The old wizard might have been smiling, but he seemed to hide it behind his beard. "Oh? Which helper would you choose?"

Wart did not need to think about it. He pointed straight up at the branch. "That one."

Merlin looked to the tree Arthur was pointing at. Sitting upon the branch, watching them quite intently, was a little brown squirrel.

"A squirrel? I'm afraid you've confused me, my boy."

"Doesn't she look familiar to you?"

Merlin took a second to get a better look at the pint-sized rodent, which had started to make its way to a lower branch to get closer to the two.

"Ah! It's that same squirrel that we ran into when I was giving you your lessons. That was the one that took quite a liking to you, right?"

Arthur nodded, noting that the squirrel had reached the ground and was starting to hop over to him.

"Yeah. I always felt bad for abandoning her. Having my memories of times yet to come, there are many things that I hope to change for the better. When it came to love, I was betrayed. Even my son would not care for me. The one thing that I know is that no other being I ever encountered seemed to have such a pure love for me as that cute little squirrel."

"Just what are you driving at, young man?"

"Merlin, I want you to turn her into a human."

Merlin was dumbstruck.

"Turn the squirrel into a human? How will she be of help to you?"

Arthur shrugged.

"I'm not entirely sure what the new future I'm going to create will hold. But what I do know is that having someone with such a kind and innocent soul at my side can only give me strength."

Merlin was unsure of the wisdom in transforming a wild animal into a human being, but had to give a measure of respect for Arthur's new found resolve to improve his future.

"If I help you with this, Arthur, I'm going to need to make me two promises."

Arthur simply replied: "Anything."

"First, she will be entirely your responsibility. You must remember that this will be very new and possibly terrifying to her, and she's going to need help to adjust to the human world. If her welfare suffers because of your slacking, I will not hesitate to remove her from the situation."

"Agreed. The second condition?"

Merlin took a more somber tone, one that seemed to echo an old memory.

"Always remember how lucky you are to have someone that cares for you so completely."

Merlin picked up an acorn off the ground. He rolled it between his palms, eventually clasping it between his hands, as if he were in prayer. He closed his eyes, muttered something underneath his breath, and opened his hands.

The acorn was now giving off a soft golden glow, and Merlin looked rather tired. He handed the little thing over to Arthur.

"Feed this to her, and she will become a human. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I've done just about enough magic for one day. I'm going to go have a bit of tea with Archimedes, then perhaps a nap."

"Thanks, Merlin. This means a lot to me."

Merlin retreated back to his tower, presumably to tell Archimedes that the tasty squirrel that he'd been thinking about for tomorrow's dinner was now off the menu.

The squirrel, who had been sitting at the bottom of the tree, scampered over to Arthur. She seemed to have been off-put by Merlin's presence, since he was the one that had taken Arthur away from her in the first place.

She scampered up his clothing and rested on his shoulder. Arthur held the acorn up to her, hoping she'd accept it. She did take it, and started to nibble.

"I really hope this wo-WOOAH!"

Within about a quarter of a second, Arthur had gone from having a 1 pound squirrel on his shoulder to a 105 pound girl.

A very naked girl, that was now lying on top of the fallen Arthur.

Despite having several memories of his future life, Arthur's sexual experiences were not among those that had come back with him. In his mind, he was still very much an awkward virgin. Thus, having completely naked girl straddling him was a rather nasty shock to the system. Even if she had the most absolutely adorable face he'd ever seen.

The girl seemed to have noticed that she was no longer in her old body. She immediately jumped up...and fell backwards.

Arthur tried his best not to laugh, but watching her try to stand on two feet was probably the cutest thing he'd ever seen. Frustrated, she scampered over to him on all fours.

"Squeek... CHEEP!"

Squirrel vocalizations apparently didn't translate very well into English, so communication was going to be an issue.

Arthur got to his feet, taking his shirt off. While he struggled to get it over his head, she tried to stand up, grabbing Arthur around his naked chest in a hug to stabilize herself.

Blinded by his shirt, Arthur suddenly became very aware of the fact that a girl's breasts were pressed against his chest.

Arthur now cursed the shirt that he had originally started to take off for the purpose of helping the girl cover up.

His hormones rushing and blinded by the cloth around his head, all it took was an accidental push by the still-unsteady newly-transformed squirrel girl to knock both of them back into the same position they'd just escaped.

"It seems like this is going to be a bigger challenge for you than you thought it'd be, eh, boy?"

Arthur, panicked that he'd been caught in such a compromising position with a girl (a nude one, no less), immediately finished pulling his shirt off and jammed it over the head of the girl that was on top of him.

Not having previous experience with clothing, the girl was understandably less than enthusiastic about having her head shoved through a cloth hole and struggled against it, finding herself in much the same position Arthur had been in seconds before, blinded by a shirt around her head.

Arthur looked about for the source of the voice, and was slightly relieved to see a certain crotchety owl perched on the branch above him.

"Oh, it's only you, Archimedes. I was worried that-"

"You might be caught mating in the courtyard in the middle of the day? I believe Merlin referred to that human activity as 'afternoon delight' or some other nonsense."

Arthur blushed at the implication.

"We WEREN'T mating! She just transformed from a squirrel and was completely naked when it happened!"

"Well, you didn't expect her to magically grow clothing, did you? Merlin told me you only asked for transformation, not a wardrobe. Oh, and thanks for consulting me, by the way. Now I have to find something new to eat tomorrow."

"Why are you here, anyways?"

"Merlin told me that he forgot to mention something about the acorn. He said to tell you that she can't communicate with you unless she eats the entire thing."

Arthur looked about, finding the still-glowing acorn on the ground next to him, having been dropped by the girl after the first bite. He pulled the shirt down over her head, the long shirt finally covering her more private bits. She had calmed down, and looked at Arthur with interest in her eyes.

He presented the acorn to her, which she ate quickly after discovering that she no longer needed to nibble to gulp it down. Arthur made the first attempt at communicating.

"I'm Arthur. Can you understand what I'm saying?"

The girl perked up immediately. Her eyes lit up in surprise, as she could now make sense of the gibberish noises those strange two-legged creatures spouted.

"Y...y...yes. I hear human talk."

She jumped back with shock at the sound of her new voice. No longer a chittering series of squeaks, her new voice was soft and gentle, but with a playful melody to it.

"Ar-fur... what happened? I was little... now I'm like you?"

Overlooking her mispronunciation of his name, Arthur explained that he had used magic to change her into her new form. Physically, she was roughly equivalent to about sixteen or seventeen. Her hair was the same color as the squirrel she'd previously been, a rich brown that shone in the sun, reaching past her shoulders. Her eyes were golden, the same color as the glowing of the magical acorn.

As Arthur finished his explanation, he noticed the girl's eyes were still looking quite confused.

"Look... I'll just put it this way. You stay with me now."

"I stay with Ar-fur?"

"Yes, you're with me now."

The girl lit up and tackled him back to the ground, burying her head in his chest.

"I stay with Ar-fur, and he no go away anymore?"

"I promise..."

It was then that Arthur realized that he actually didn't know what to call her. Squirrels didn't come with nametags, after all.

"You know, I haven't actually gotten a name for you yet. What do your friends call you?"

The girl tried to say her name, but it only came out as a series of unintelligible squeaks.

"Animal names don't generally translate well into English, lad."

Archimedes, bemused by the situation unfolding in the courtyard, had chimed in again.

"You're going to have to name her, boy. I doubt she knows enough of the human world to pick one herself, as I did."

Arthur thought long and hard about what would reflect on her the best.

It was actually the reflection of the sun off of her shining brown hair that would provide the inspiration for her new name.

"How about I call you... Hazel?"

The girl's golden eyes teared up a little bit as she blushed.

"I love it! Now I can be with you like a real mate, right?"

Arthur was taken aback by the girl's forwardness. Given her behavior as a squirrel, he really shouldn't have been surprised.

"Archimedes, can you please do me a big favor?"

The cranky owl sighed.

"You want me to fetch her some clothing, correct?"

"...If it's not too much trouble. There's no way I can walk her back to my room with her in just my shirt."

The owl made a scoffing noise.

"I suppose Merlin wouldn't want you getting in any more trouble, especially if it involves his magic... speaking of which, you should lock up the courtyard until I return, to keep other unwanted visitors out while she's without clothing."

The owl flew off to retrieve a robe, and Arthur scurried to the doors and locked them from the inside.

His task of locking the doors to the courtyard finished, a somewhat relieved Arthur turned back to face Hazel, only to find an empty space of matted grass where they'd laid earlier.

Somewhat worried, Arthur called out: "Hazel, where'd you go?"

All of a sudden, he was blinded. His shirt had been rudely shoved over his head, causing him to fall back to the ground. At first, this wasn't too worrisome, until he figured out that someone had tied the sleeves together. Another pull popped his head through the hole, with his arms stuck at his sides. Arthur was now staring at a completely naked girl who had just totally immobilized his arms and was now moving to straddle him.

"I'm so happy I get to be with Ar-fur now..."

Arthur's head began to swoon as he came to grips with the realization that the girl was looking at him the same way she'd been eyeing him back when they were both squirrels.

"I'm hot, Ar-fur."

How could she possibly be hot? It was early autumn and she was completely nude. The sun was just beginning to fall over the horizon as dusk approached, and the temperature was starting to dip a little.

It was then Arthur grasped what she was getting at.

"You... you mean you're in heat?"

"Mm-hmm. I had to find a mate, but I never had one before."

She dropped her eyes and blushed.

"Then you came along. So cute and bushy tailed. I wanted you to be mine forever."

She started crying, squeezing out a few drops.

"A-and then you went away because that mean old man took you. I was so afraid I'd never see you a-again."

Arthur immediately felt a heavy pang of guilt strike his heart. In the time before he knew of his future memories, this kind of closeness would have terrified him. Strangely, the attention that had made him so uncomfortable as a squirrel was now causing a strange warmth in his heart.

Arthur tried to lean up to apologize to her, but she pushed him back down. "You're all mine now, Ar-fur. Promise you'll be my mate forever?"

Arthur didn't even hesitate.

"Of course, Haz-"

He was interrupted by a fierce kiss from the previously demure girl as she attacked his lips with animalistic passion. Though she may have been human now, her instincts from her squirrel self seemed to have transferred.

Arthur tried not to be completely overwhelmed by the situation. He was pinned under the weight of a teenage girl, his arms trapped within his tied-up shirt, and his tongue trapped by the mouth of said female.

What was especially hard to get around was Hazel's skill with his tongue. Most likely due to her previous squirrel life, she was amazingly good at nibbling on his tongue. The sensation was remarkable, and it was starting to cause Arthur's mind to cloud over with pleasure.

Hazel broke the kiss, panting.

"Ar-fur... Ar-fur... I'm so happy you like me. I never had anyone that wanted to be my mate. I thought I'd never get to make babies."

That last word struck Arthur like a lightening bolt.


Hazel, with a fully flushed face like a super-blush, replied as the leaned in close to his neck.

"Of course, Ar-fur. I'm gonna make you lots and lots of babies. We'll have as many as I can make, and we'll have the biggest family ever!"

Arthur wanted to press the subject, but Hazel effectively silenced him by starting to kiss his neck. Well, not so much "kiss" as "nibble like a champion squirrel in an eating contest".

Animoose 1233284091144


As an unfortunate side effect of her squirrel style kissing, she was undoubtedly one of the most talented hickey givers in the world. Within minutes, Arthur's neck was covered in tiny little love bites.

Arthur was quickly starting to forget why he was protesting in the first place. The feelings that this girl was creating... the were impossible to deny.

She momentarily quit biting on his neck and lifted her face to meet his. Their eyes locked. His dark eyes met her glowing golden ones. It was then that he knew what he really felt. He smiled warmly as he softly spoke, accompanied with a blush.

"Hazel... I promise... I'll do my best to give you the kind of life you want. As many kids as you're willing to have, alright?"

Hazel gave him the most heartwarming expression that he'd ever witnessed on a human being. It seemed ironic that it would be a creature that was not born human that seemed to possess more inherent humanity than most people.

She started crying again, but tears of joy this time. As they started to land on his face below her, she spoke.

"Thank y-you... THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

With that, she renewed her vigorous attack on his mouth. It seemed that a bond had been formed, one that would not be broken.

While Hazel would have absolutely no reservations about fulfilling her mating in the open courtyard, it would seem that it was not to be.


The sound of a loud interruption gathered the attention of the couple. Archimedes had returned, carrying a large robe. While nothing fancy, it was plenty large to completely cover Hazel and get her back to his room safely.

"It seems like I got back just in time. A few minutes more and you might have been producing heirs prematurely. "

Arthur blushed and looked away.

"It's not like that, we were just... um... playing. See, she was seeing how she could tie my shirt up!"

"While being entirely naked herself?"


"Give me some credit boy, I've been around a while. Merlin himself has gotten into some fascinating situations in my presence. When I don't talk, people tend to ignore me like I'm a regular bird."

Archimedes tossed the robe to the girl, and Arthur helped her wrap it around herself.

"You owe me a nice meal, boy. New get her back to your room without being caught. Merlin told me he'd help you come up with a cover story for her tomorrow. In any case, it's late and it's getting cold, so get her to bed... it's been a long day."

"Thanks a lot, Archimedes. You'll have to tell me more about Merlin's escapades sometime."

"I don't know about that, boy. Some of them are pretty wild. Especially those including Mim... that woman was a real dynamo a few decades back."

Arthur shuddered and waved the bird off. Hazel huddled up to his side.

"Where are we going, Ar-fur?"

"Inside the castle, to my room. You're going to stay in a nice warm bed tonight."

"No more tree?"

She seemed a little sad, leaving the only home she ever knew behind.

"No more tree... but you can build a nest out of blankets in my room."

Hazel's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

As the door closed to Arthur's room, he wondered what kind of future would await his new "helper" and if he could really make things turn out better than his future memories led him to believe.

In the end, he decided not to worry too much. After all, being snuggled by an extraordinarily aroused teen girl that's absolutely in love with you in a love nest made of blankets and pillows has the tendency to make a person a bit more relaxed.

Maybe Arthur was going to make mistakes, but this time around, he knew he would at least have true love.

Arthur & Hazel

These we made after the "Epic Hazel" ones, but chronologically make more sense before those.

Training Days

Animoose 134348512217

Arthur knew that combat training was very serious business, nothing to smile or chortle at. She took to her lessons with him with gusto, practiced even when he was away. Hazel's drive and enthusiasm to learn how to use a weapon was admirable of her, but it was also kind of cute. Who knew? Maybe they'd get her a real sword one day.

Hazel and Guinevere

Hazel has always hated these events. Arthur is always surrounded by other royals and nobles trying to gain his favor or marry off their daughters to him. Luckily, Arthur declined these proposals, always giving Hazel a smile when he does.

"Why so glum my dear?" Merlin gives the girl a kind smile. Hazel returns it.

"Oh, you know I hate going to these Merlin! The girls are so snobbish and the boys want nothing more to get under my dress! Only Arthur is allowed under there!"

"Now now Hazel, Arthur needs these parties to make political relationships with other kingdoms."

Hazel pouts and chews on a piece of bread, "I know."

Hazels eyes wander to Arthur's table. They widen in shock at the girl sitting abnormally close to him. She is attractive, Hazel has to admit. Long, wavy hair that is chocolate in color, violet eyes and a periwinkle dress. Hazel crushes the bread in her hand when she sees the girls hand caress Arthur's face.

"Who is THAT?!"

Merlin looks over at the girl Hazel is pointing at, "Princess Guinevere. Daughter of a king in France. Seems like she's taken a liking to our king! Arthur doesn't seem interested though... Hazel?" Merlin spots her stomping towards Arthur and Guinevere. "Oh no."

"So, tell me King Pendragon, how's it feel to rule a country so large at such a young age?"

Arthur fiddles with his fork, "W-well, it's quite stressful! Luckily I have Merlin to help me."

Guinevere's hand rests on Arthur's face. He blushes at the gesture. "Your eye's are so beautiful. I could get lost in them."

"W-w-well, that's nice!"


Arthur looks at the source of the noise and sees Hazel standing in front of the table, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. "H-Hazel!"

"Who's this, one of your servants?"

Hazels face turns red in anger, "I'm not his servant! I'm his lover!"

Guinevere smiles, "Oh really? You and most likely several women are dear, no need to be jealous."

"Arthur would never cheat on me." Hazel growls, getting into the princess's face.

Arthur stands up and grabs the red head, pulling her away from Guinevere. "Hazel! Don't start something like this!" He holds her face in his hands "You know I love you and you alone."

"Oh Arthur, I love you too, but she touched you. And no one touches you, princess or not!"

Hazel pushes Arthur aside and turns back to Guinevere, who watched the whole scene with a smirk.

"Well, that was genuine. Maybe I'll let you be his royal consort when we get-"

Hazel smacks the girl across the face. Guinevere's guards step in and prepare to grab Hazel, but she stops them.

"It's been awhile since I've fought someone." Guinevere cracks her neck and knuckles "Come on then."

Hazel, who's squirrel instincts took over, lunges at the girl. She easily dodges and waits for Hazel to get back on her feet. Hazel runs at Guinevere again. Guinevere punches Hazel in the face.

"OW!" Hazel holds her nose "That hu-"

Guinevere tackles her and locks her in a choke hold.

"My fathers knights raised me! Did you honestly think I wouldn't know how to fight?!"

Hazel taps the floor, gasping for breath, "I give! I GIVE!"

Hazel Guinevere wrestle by coldfusion

"History already decided the winner."

Guinevere releases her and stands up. Arthur runs over and helps Hazel stand. He leads her to the steps.

"C'mom, lets go to my room."

Hazel softly cries in Arthur's shirt. Meanwhile, Guinevere looks towards Merlin and smiles.

Archimedes looks at Merlin in confusion. "Does she still marry the boy?"

"History, my dear friend, can change. All we need is to get Lancelot here."

Arthur places a cold, wet cloth over Hazels nose. She holds it there as he tends to a small cut on her head.

"...I really messed up didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

Hazel sighs and lets a few tears fall, "I'm sorry Arthur. I let my emotions rule me."

"That's why I love you."


Arthur gives her a soft smile, "You're so passionate, so caring. I-I never met someone who would fight a princess for me! You let your emotions rule you, but that's what makes you you."

Hazel jumps on top of Arthur, placing her lips on his in a passionate kiss. She stops and kisses his face all over.

"I love you too."

Arthur leans his forehead on hers and smiles. "Don't ever fight another royal again, got it?" She nods "Got it."

They kiss again, holding each other as tight as possible and rolling on the bed. Arthur gasps when Hazels hand squeezes his posterior.

"H-Hazel! Not now! I still have a party to attend!"

Hazel pouts, "Fine. But when night falls, you're all mine. Got it?"

Arthur blushes and quickly nods "G-got it!"

And so they return to the party, hand in hand. Hazel smirks at an obviously jealous Guinevere and sits next to Arthur at his table. Merlin smiles at the couple.

"Seems like history has chosen a new champion for the kings heart."

Hazel and Guenever, Remixed

Arthur hated these events once upon a time, he remembered. Now, though, though they were still tedious it was tempered by the joy of seeing so many once-departed faces again.

On the edge of the murmuring crowd King Pellinore boasted of having come closer than ever before to catching the Questing Beast. Ban and Bors had cheerfully toasted in Arthur’s name twice already, and he suspected they were soon to go at it again. At least there was no sign of Bors’ son, Lancelot. All these men, and many more there besides, had fallen either to misfortune or to battle, and he hoped against hope he might save them this time.

But none of these resurrected faces stirred up quite a complex mess of emotions in his gut as the beautiful young woman who had already shot him a few inquiring glances from across the room. Guenever—not Queen, not yet, mayhaps not ever—had arrived with her lordly father in the hopes of seeking his hand in marriage. That was not so unusual, as a whole gaggle of young women had done the same and he had already turned them down. But he had no history with those others, while he had a whole writhing mess of history-that-had-not-come-to-be-this-time with Guenever. If it had been terrible, it might have been easier to put behind him—but it had never been terrible, not really, in spite of all the grief and tragedy they had endured. A part of him still loved the past-future Guenever and Lancelot both as much as ever. But that past-future had come to ruin, in every possible way.

He forced himself out of his thoughts by looking over at the one part of his life that was un-complicatedly happy: Hazel. She stood over on the very fringe of the crowd with an expression somewhere between bored and frustrated. He knew she hated these events utterly, hated trying to socialize and make sense out of the convoluted mess that was human socializing. But he also knew that she would always come anyway, and do her best to endure it for him, and he loved her dearly for it. He gave her a gentle smile and a wave, and she immediately returned it with a tenfold larger wave and grin.

“Who is she?”

Arthur very nearly leapt a foot in the air at the question asked almost in his ear, startled at the closeness of a voice that was uncomfortably familiar. Guenever had crossed the room while he was distracted by Hazel and his own thoughts, sat beside him at the central table, and looked up at him now with a curious expression that reminded him far too much of many bygone conversations.

“S-she’s…” He nearly tripped over his tongue, young, anxious Wart and uncertain old Arthur struggling together to put their thoughts in line. “My lover.”

“Hmm.” Guenever looked over at a suddenly concerned Hazel, looking a bit lost herself. Then she turned back to Arthur suddenly, with a look that was almost…gleeful? “I didn’t expect that,” she confided in him.

“You expected something of me?” he couldn’t help but ask a little acerbically. All of the princesses here today expected him to be a certain sort of perfect princeling that he very much was not, and although Guenever had eventually come to love him for who he was he supposed she wouldn’t have been so much different when she was younger.

“Not of the young King Arthur, as such,” Guenever said, surprising him slightly. “I was hopeful, but, well, you were always better about that than me, weren’t you? Even to the very end.”
Something about the way she said that made his hair stand up on end, as did the soft smile she gave him now. That very familiar smile…
Both of them turned to the very visibly angry new arrival, Hazel having stomped her way across the room to glare at them both across the table. With a guilty start Arthur realized their little conversation might have looked a bit too intimate for her.
“H-Hazel!” Curse his immature stutter.
“Who’s this?” Guenever asked lightly. “I haven’t heard your name yet,” she said to Hazel directly.
“Hazel!” She grabbed Arthur’s arm protectively. “And he’s mine!”
Guenever shook her head softly. “I fear it may not be that simple, but I would never stand in the way of your love. After all,” she addressed Arthur now, placing a hand on his shoulder, “you never stood in the way of my love for Lancelot.”
The vague suspicions curdling in his stomach clenched into a rock that plummeted out of it. “You remember too,” he breathed out.
Hazel looked between them suspiciously. “Remember what?” she asked.
“It’s a very long story,” Guenever told her, “and not a happy one.” She quirked a smile. “But things may be happier in the story yet to come out of it.”
In spite of his initial shock and fear, Arthur immediately realized that this could only be a good thing. Guenever had become a wonderful queen and woman, and she could work with him to build up Camelot this time, even as they thankfully avoided their unhappy marriage. “It’s good, that you do remember,” he said a bit more firmly. “We learned…many things. There are so many mistakes I will not make.”

Guenever nodded somberly. “So many faces here that—“

“Yes!” he agreed fervently. They exchanged another smile, which brought out a growl from Hazel.

They both laughed, and Arthur felt it was a healthy laugh, one of two people who would always be the closest of friends. A thought struck him.

“Does anyone else remember?” he asked. “Do you know?”

Her smile this time was bittersweet. “I wrote Lancelot a letter a month ago asking questions he would have known the answers to. His reply contained none of them.”

He nodded slowly, trying to ignore the slight resentment he felt that she had not sent him a similar letter. “Well, nevertheless you can certainly get to know him again. I certainly do too.” He raised an eyebrow. “I’ll feast your wedding to all the corners of the realm, when the time comes.”

Guenever blinked at him, then shook her head. “It’s not that simple, Arthur, just as I told Hazel. If you remember, and I remember…does not God Himself remember?”

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked.

“I will not marry Lancelot,” Guenever said patiently, “for you and I are already long since wed in the eyes of God.”

Arthur froze.

Hazel and the Great Danes

Arthur and Hazel hold each other as they sleep, Hazels head resting in the crook of Arthur's neck. Hazel is the first to wake when the morning light brightens the dark room. She yawns and stretches, scratching her head before turning to look at the sleeping form of her love. She smiles and leans towards him, giving him a light kiss on the lips. Then a hard shake of his shoulders.

"GAH!" Arthur screams, "Hazel!"

Hazel laughs at his sudden fright and then his little scowl.

"I had to wake you quickly, Arthur! Your family is moving in today!"

Arthur suddenly remembers that, indeed, Ector and Kay, along with their servants, are joining him at the castle today.

"Thank you for reminding me Hazel! I had forgotten."

Hazel nods and wraps the boy king into a hug. "I hope they'll like me."

Arthur sighs and hugs her back, "They'll love you Hazel. Trust me."

Hazel sits atop the caste roof and watches as a fat man with a red mustache yells at some of Arthur's servants as they carry his boxes into the castle. She sees Arthur leave the castles entrance to greet the man, who bows towards her love and then pulls him into a hug. Arthur awkwardly hugs back and then looks towards her. Hazel smiles and jumps from the roof, grabbing onto a nearby tree branch and dropping to the ground.

Ector jumps at the girls sudden entrance, "Who the hell is that!?"

"Sir Ector, meet my squire. Hazel, this is my guardian."

Hazel walks up to the fat man and bows "Nice to finally meet you Sir! Welcome to Castle Pendragon!"

Ector gives the girl a long look before nodding, "Odd choice choosing a girl as a squire, but who am I to question the king?"

Arthur looks around, "Where's Kay? I thought he would be joining you today?"

"He's just an hour behind. You can greet him later, I'd like to see where we'll be staying!" Arthur nods and brings his adoptive father inside. Hazel goes in with them and continues talking with Ector.

"So, you raised Arthur?"

"Of course! The lad was left in my care when he was an infant!"

Hazel continues to ask him questions as Arthur shows Ector his section of the castle. They stop the tour when Arthur and Ector hear an all familiar voice.

"Of course I'm bloody invited! I'm the kings step-brother!"

Arthur runs towards the yelling and sees his tall and tough brother staring down a servant. Kay's hand reaches for the sword on his hip.

"Kay! Don't attack the man!"

Kay sees Arthur and relaxes, along with the terrified servant.

"Wa... I mean, King Pendragon." Kay bows. "Nice place you have here... who's that?"

Hazel pops up from behind Arthur and waves, "I am Arthur's squire! Nice to finally meet you Sir Kay!"

"Christ Arthur, a girl squire?"

Arthur sighs and decides to change the subject. "Where are Tiger and Talbot, Kay?"

Hazel has heard much about these 2 from Arthur. Loyal and great friends, always being there when he needed them. She wonders where they are as well.

"I'm sure they're sniffing for you. Damn things always liked you better anyways."

Wait, Hazel thinks, sniffing? A chill runs up her spine when she hears a large and low bark coming from down a hallway. Arthur smiles and runs towards it. He is suddenly tackled by two large canines, who lick every inch of his face. Arthur laughs and rubs their heads. Hazel, meanwhile, is shaking in fear.

"You never told me that Tiger and Talbot were d-d-dogs, Arthur."

The dogs stop licking the boy kings face and look towards the terrified girl. They smell the all familiar scent of squirrel on her, but don't see said squirrel. As they get closer to investigate, Hazel moves further away. Arthur gets up and tries to calm her down.

"Hazel, it's ok. These two aren't going to hurt you."

She just shakes her head no and continues backing away, eyes wide with fear. Her back bumps against a wall, stopping her escape from the curious dogs. All out of options, and the dangerous animals getting closer to her, she has no other choices.


She jumps over the dogs and runs. The dogs, thinking of this as a game, chase after her. Hazel screams and leaps onto a grandfather clock to get to higher ground. She jumps on a nearby shelf, knocking over the clock, and hangs onto it for dear life as the dogs bark at her from below, tears beginning to fall from her eyes as she prays to be left alone. Arthur and Kay grab the dogs by their collars and pull them away.

"Your squire is afraid of dogs?"

Arthur gives Kay a simple nod. He is currently trying to figure out a solution to an obvious problem. And then he finds one.

Hours after the incident, Arthur and Hazel lie on their bed.

"I should have known that you were terrified of dogs. I am so sorry Hazel."

"...I've seen so many of my relatives murdered and eaten by dogs, Arthur. I know that's what your two beasts want to do to me!"

Arthur looks at the girl, "Tiger and Talbot would never hurt you Hazel. They were just confused. You just have to let them get to know you."

He gets up and leaves the room, returning minutes later with his furry friends. Hazel jumps up and tries to run, but Arthur grabs her.

"NO! If you run, they'll chase you! Just sit and calm down!"

Hazel scowls at Arthur, but complies with his demands. She sits back on the bed and looks at the dogs, fear still in here eyes. The dogs simply look back at her.

"Good, this is a good start." Arthur leads them closer to Hazel, "Now pet them."

"Excuse me?"

"Hazel, these two are the most affectionate dogs I know. If I love you, then they definitely love you. Now pet them."

Hazel can't find any holes in his logic, so she gulps and holds out a shaky hand. She rests it on Talbot's head, who's tail shakes even faster at the sudden affection. Hazels eyes widen and gives the dog a small smile.

"See? No biting, no eating. They're fine. How do you feel?"


A week has passed since Kay and Ector had moved in. Kay has created a kinship with Hazel due to her outdoorsy personality and attitude, and she has managed to make a small bond with Arthur's best animal friends as well. Speaking of the king, he is currently walking with Merlin and Hazel in the courtyard, discussing a possibility of creating a guild of knights.

"As I see it, bringing together the best warriors to be under my kingdom would be good for both politics andOOF!"

Tiger and Talbot suddenly tackle him to the ground, covering his face in slobber. Merlin chuckles at the sight and sees Hazel laughing at it as well. She stops laughing when they stop licking Arthur and turn towards her.

"Wait, WAIT!" Hazel shouts at them as they run towards her.

Arthur wipes the slobber off his face and laughs at the sight before him. Hazel being pinned to the ground as both dogs rub their heads against hers and lick her face, much to her disgust.

"Arthur! Get them OFF!"

Arthur manages to pull the beasts off his love and help her up. She dusts herself off and kisses her saviors cheek, causing Arthur to blush.

"Now, lets go see if Kay is willing to teach me archery!"

Hazel drags the boy into the castle, the dogs following as well. Arthur realizes that this wasn't just a castle anymore. With his father, brother, pets, Merlin, and Hazel in living with him, it was much more than a castle. It was a home.

Once and Future

Animoose 134487195540

"Ow." Arthur sighed rather than groaned, the aching back of his head and torso making an unpleasant contrast to the sudden softness that had landed on him from the branches. "Hazel, you promised you wouldn't do this anymore."

The former squirrel untangled her limbs from the young lad's only to sit herself atop his chest where she remained smiling and quite unrepentant. "I changed my mind. Besides, Mr. Merlin's friend said that you need to be more careful," Her calloused hands balled themselves into fists and playfully bopped him on the forehead. "Ready for anything!"

"Did he?"

Hazel nodded, "He sure did. Don't you remember?"

He really didn't. Arthur didn't remember much from their little field trip to Camlann. It was a place of little note, save for a crooked bank even the nearby city, grand as it seemed to be, was murky and indistinct. He, Hazel, Merlin and Archimedes had gone there to visit a "possible" friend of the old wizard's though Arthur wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean. He had an even harder time remembering the so-called "possible" friend. The man had been dressed in fine armor and fabrics, he must have been a lord of those parts. There was even a symbol on his tunic, a tiger or panther of some sort. What he did recall was how uncomfortable he had felt when he approached the knight. It felt like the time he had fallen on top of Kay or driven Merlin away to Bermuda. As if he had done something wrong while not being entirely at fault.

Hazel however took an instant liking to the stranger which only compounded Arthur's wariness of the fellow.

The lord exchanged a few words with Merlin amidst Hazel's enthusiastic embraces and looked toward the vast empty fields surrounding them, his face turning sullen and mournful before Hazel's laughter caused it to light up again. Then it was time to go and they left him, the man having never once moved from his wooden roost.

"Did he say anything to you by any chance?" Arthur asked.

At that, Hazel's expression turned puzzled and she appeared to mull over his question for a moment before she bent down and took the downed king into a tight hug. From behind the autumn veil of her hair he heard her whisper into his ear with uncharacteristic melancholy,

"He said that he... missed me."


The autumn breeze and the distant sound of crickets are all that echo through the night at Castle Pendragon. The few clouds that were out in the sky failed to block the lunar light of a full moon. Stars, dazzling and innumerable, dotted the sky like freckles of the great celestial face. If anyone were up to see the sky at this hour, it may have yet filled them with a great appreciation for its calm beauty. Its occupants however have long since departed to sleep, save for the sentries patrolling the ramparts. And yet, deep within the great castle, two figures remain awake. One stirring restlessly, the other mute witness.

Hazel laid there awake, her eyes fastened on the figure of her mate besides her tossing and turning in a fruitless attempt to get some sleep. She had been like this for some time now, first waiting for him to retire for the night from his kingly duties, and now watching with worry as he tries to retire into a well deserved slumber. Truth be told, in the couple of years it had been since she was transformed into a human she still had but the faintest grasp on the intricacies of human politics, but even she knew that being a leader to a great many people was both an honor and burden. Being as young as he was only made the matter ever more imposing. It ached her heart to see his youthful spirit plagued by the trials and tribulations of being a fair king. More than once has he gone through a sleepless night, with her only being able to be by his side as comfort. At least tonight he was in bed, albeit in a state of restlessness. It was times like this that she sometimes wished for a quieter life for them, away from these many troubles in the calmness of nature. Yet even now she knew, having known since the moment she was transformed, such a thing was impossible. The price of Humanity, she was told by the great wizard, was to knowingly enter a new life filled with responsibility and challenges totally alien to her previous life as a squirrel. And the price of staying by Arthur's side was a commitment to take all that and more along side him on his quest to become a great king of all England.

Edging closer to him, she reached out from the covers to place a hand on his shoulder in an effort to provide some comfort. She yearned for his familiar warmth,and for his arms to wrapped around her form in an embrace that she has grown quite a fondness for. A feeling that she admits, she hasn't felt in far too long for her liking. While she initially had trouble with her now mostly-hairless form, she has grown to quite like sleeping in the nude. The sensation of her bare skin against his was one of the first things she took a great liking to as a human. Her human form remained small, roughly the same as when she first took it save for having grown a few inches and having built up a firmer frame of muscles. Despite his initial protests, she insisted on being trained in the basic arts of combat on top of her already large educational curriculum. It has come to pay off quite nicely in fact, being now able to sport a sword and even some armor quite comfortably. Still, even compared to Arthur, who has grown a bit on his own, she remained quite petite. Her breasts remained small, though she hardly saw how breast size was considered an issue with human women, and her waist slender. While not as long as she would have liked it, her red hair reached several inches past her neck; constantly cared to ensure it does not grow longer if she wishes to stay in a role ready for combat (yet another thing she did not quite understand with humans).

Having made contact with his shoulder, he rolls over to face her. Even in the dark she could see the weariness prominent on his face. His eyes seemed to be staring off into some great distance before focusing on her face. Almost immediately he softens, a smile forming across his face. With it, he seems to be at ease in the comfort of her eyes. She in turn smiles back, a face of sincere caring and understanding. Wrapping both of her arms around his back, she leans into him with her whole form, kissing him with a soft and delicate force. Not even more than a second later does he begin to kiss her as well, moving his arms so as to put one on her delicate waist while using the other to caress her back. As he does so, she begins to slowly intensify her kissing so as to match their growing yearning. Her hands begin to move across his back, with one resting against the back of his head and the other firmly planted against his buttocks. She kisses deeper, moaning into his mouth as he begins to hug her closer into himself, her breasts pressing firmly into his chest. Their tongues begin to traverse the others mouth, taking in their lovers taste to the fullest. After what felt like an eternity, they break the kiss to breathe sorely needed air. Hazel, having realized her eyes were shut, opened them to see her mate. It would seem that she has indeed succeeded in lifting his spirits at least, if the look on his face and the growth pressed against her were any indication. Taking the initiative, she rolled him onto his back and began to mount on top of him. She rose until she was sitting atop his lap, letting the bed sheets fall aside revealing her naked form in what pale moonlight reflected into the room. She then took one of Arthur's hands and guided it up to her chest, planting it atop her breast. With a small smirk, he began to knead on the breast, causing her to utter a small moan in delight. Affirmation given, he moved his other hand atop her other breast, cupping both easily within his palms. In circular motions he starts, rubbing into her with a subdued strength. Alternating between hands, he pulls off of her only to use his fingers to gently tweak and rub on her fair nipples. She continues to silently moan in delight, silently gasping as he playfully pulls and rubs her breasts and nipples.

Hands, in the sense of human hands at least, were another one of the things that she absolutely loved about the human body. Their dexterity, usefulness, and most importantly their intimacy allowed her to do and enjoy things that she never would have been able to do as a squirrel. From using then to write or lift, or even simply embracing someone in ways she never would have dreamed possible. They would never cease to amaze (or arouse) her. Her excitement building, she tilts her head backwards and begins to use her lower body to grind against his pelvis, spreading her building moisture across his lap while letting the friction continue to build up the tension they were both equally feeling. Over her own soft moans, she hears her mate, Arthur, let out a sort of grunt as she continues sliding her opening over his ever-pulsing member. Eventually he grabs her, stopping her motions and causing her to face back down towards him. Panting and with a face of lust and passion, Arthur removes his hands from Hazels thoroughly worked breasts in order to wrap them around her form and bring her back into his embrace. He then, in one fluid motion, rolls her over onto her back before sharing a deep kiss. After many seconds embraced, he pulls away and begins to move his hands down past her stomach to rest just on top of her moist sex. His hands rest there, while he stares back at her, switching from a look of passion to a look not that much different from a child asking permission from a parent. Giggling at his chivalrous gesture, she enthusiastically nods an affirmation back to him, ready to embrace his full being into herself.

* * *

For longer than he would like to admit, King Arthur Pendragon had felt overwhelmed. A little over two years has past since he first pulled the sword from the stone and anvil. That first year alone had him traversing with the terrifying world of domestic politics, law and order, and a crash course on royal court etiquette to boot. Not to mention suffering the weight of the public's great expectations for their new king. The second year was arguably worse, what with keeping his rule established, dealing with foreign nations, and the occasional matter of supernatural origin. All of this while going through the great growth spurt (Puberty, Merlin calls it) that will in short time make him a man sometimes makes him miss the cumbersome yet more mundane tasks he had to do growing up with Sir Ector. While he was always grateful to have his friends and family supporting him, there are times he worries for their well being just as much as his own. While Merlin has been a great teacher and even greater companion, there have been times Arthur has caught Merlin in the midst of peculiarly aloof moods, or at least more peculiar than the moods the old wizard usually gets. These moods leave Merlin confused over events, sometimes questioning the time and date. When Arthur presses Merlin about these moods, he simply acts like nothing had been the matter at all. Asking Archimedes, being the only one to have spent a great deal of time with the wizard, often ends up the same, but what little he does say about it sounds like typical confusing wizard talk. Something about time and fate in flux?

Arthur himself had grown in stride the past couple of years. While he could hardly be considered scrawny now, he still was a far cry from the physical expectations one would have for a king of all England. He had a faint stubble in all of its patchy and itchy glory beginning to come in. He had also managed to grow a good handful of inches, with the extra muscle gained from the repeated drills and training with Sir Ector helping him to fill out his form and escape from being a scrawny prepubescent to a taller not-quite-as-scrawny teenager. Given another couple of years this kind of growth and he may very well turn out into fit and strong king.

Sir Ector and Sir Kay over the past two years has also sent him through a loop more than once. Ever since pulling the sword, Sir Ector had gone from being a strict and intimidating authority figure to penitent and at times groveling at his feet. To say it was uncomfortable was an understatement. Even Sir Kay, for all of his brutishness, seemed to try and take his knighthood seriously (or at least seriously when in the presence of Arthur) and had been focusing on actual training rather than squandering himself. A good thing, perhaps, considering the number of young and eager knights that have already been vying for the kings favor. While he is not entirely surprised about both of their changes in behavior, he does wonder if they had truly felt this way all along, or it is just the king they respect in him. He truly does with for the former.

As for Hazel, he can think of nobody closer to him than her. What had started off admittedly one sided has over the past couple years blossomed into something beyond even his own imagination. While there were many things he liked about her; Her gorgeous smile, the way her eyes were always expressive, her chipper attitude on life, but perhaps most of all the fact that she was genuine and sincere in everything she did. This quality in fact stands out best among the many other potential maidens and admirers. As flattering and beautiful as many of them were, they still only saw him as "King" rather than "Arthur". An aspect of royalty that he has made no secret in hiding his displeasure for, despite the insistence by others the need to be ready to marry a fair princess for the good of the kingdom as a whole. This was a road he dreaded having to cross, yet he remained thankful that it may yet be a few more years until he must worry about that.

As their love bloomed into a mutual reciprocation, Merlin had finally decided to step in and give Arthur "the talk" as he called it. While he already knew about the basics of life and how it was created thanks to Merlin's education, this talk bordered on far more intimate subject matter that had even Merlin slightly flushed red. He had talked about things he had only a rough understanding about beforehand, such as what his current coming of manhood ("Puberty!" he keeps insisting on calling it) entails for both his body and mind, dealing with these new changes and "urges" as he put it, the changes and "urges" a woman starts to go through (at this point he had decided to include Hazel and go over his previous points so as to not repeat himself) before going into a incredibly uncomfortable and unnecessarily long winded speech about the practice of sex. While Hazel was far more familiar with the topic than Arthur had thought, even she proved unprepared for everything that Merlin went on about. Like the fact that you can get terrible diseases, or that practicing "unsafe" sex could lead to a child, or that there even was a thing as "safe" sex to begin with. The whole conversation eventually derailed over the explanation and attempted demonstration of some kind of material that wouldn't be invented for hundreds of years to even practice "safe" sex. Although they both ended up more knowledgeable, if also confused, on the subject, Merlin did eventually come to Arthur in private with some sort of spell that in his words "will make you all the safer without any of the worry!" and words of wisdom.

"While sex is a completely normal and natural part of life, my boy, people are going to remain backwards about it through your lifetime and beyond, believe me! Now if you do choose to partake in your youth, you must absolutely positively MOST DEFINITELY keep in mind that as king, it would be less than kingly to be caught 'in the act' so to speak, especially outside the confines of marriage! I do know you really like the girl, and I am no means saying you SHOULD, but if you DO...'mum's the word' as say. Or will say, I think...".

Arthur at the time was close to protesting about not even being sure if we WAS going to have sex at all, but later reconsidered once he remembered that Merlin could indeed see the future, so any point in arguing it would be fruitless. Merlin even assured him that the spell could be undone at the snap of a finger. "You are going to have to have children at some point, right?" He had said, yet to this day Arthur swears he saw the briefest flash of some other kind of emotion run through the wizard between his typically spirited talk. Nevertheless he was glad he ended up taking his advice, as he had in fact ended up partaking in the act of sex. While it was at first incredibly awkward and perhaps not quite as long as they had initially liked, both being a king with access to the appropriate literature and reluctantly asking Merlin for "Advice" had helped turned their sex into a more refined lovemaking.

Yet before he had been brought out of his malaise from another hard day of statecraft, Arthur had come to think that it had perhaps been a long while since he spent some actual private time with his "squire", as far as the rest of his court knows. Perhaps it was paranoia or stress that had distanced him as of late, but it was her delicate hand, soft smile, and big brown eyes that brought him back to both earth and to her. He let her anchor him back towards the comfort that so eluded him as of late. With each kiss, each tease, each noise he felt as if he a part of him was rejuvenated. Her goal was to bring him back and remind him that their comfort will always remain steadfast. She had not planned on being satisfied in return. But here they were, about to cross the horizon into the epicenter of carnal comfort. But like a truly great and fair king, he first wished to give upon his most loyal subject what she had given upon to him.

With great speed, he quickly brought his head down upon Hazel's crotch. Slightly taken aback, she nearly questioned him aloud for doing something that she frankly had not expected. This protest was replaced before it could even be spoken by a sharp gasp as Arthur began to kiss her wet nether region. With the initiative on his side, he further pushed his assault into her, burying his face deeper into her until his tongue could effortlessly push past her folds. Her panting, now at a steady pace, combined with the intoxicating smell of her sex filled Arthur with great vigor. Having begun to explore her inner caverns, he experimented with his tongue against her walls. He took great delight in the hitches of her whimpers as he brushed against her particularly sensitive spots. After a minute he finally pulled back, taking in great gulps of air while he surveyed the now flushed mound. Looking up his eyes made contact with Hazel's, her face about as beat red as her hair. From the almost whining look in her eyes, he realizes he may have gotten her a bit close to her climax. Feeling satisfied, he bent down to place one last kiss on her now throbbing clit, his lips parting her hood as he gave a quick flick with his tongue as he finally parted from her.

If her arms squeezing his combined with an almost cute whine was any indication, Hazel seemed ready to get to the grand finale. Having felt that he had been sufficiently chivalrous, Arthur was happy to oblige her. Positioning his impressive manhood against her aching, and with the help of her already dripping hole, he managed to slide inside with a sleight of speed. His worries that he may have been too fast quickly melted as she had almost immediately began to try and buck her hips into him. Taking that as a sign to kick it up a notch, he started at an even and deep pace, trying his best to sync up with her almost wild humps. No longer content to just moaning, Hazel began to dig her fingers into Arthur's back as she arched her head into the crane of his neck, giving him love bites all across his neck in perhaps her most signature sign of affection. As Arthur began to pick up the pace, he stealthily moved a hand down towards her crotch, and in a feat of impressive skill began to massage her clit, quite quickly pushing her right to the edge of ecstasy. As a familiar warmth began to build within her, Hazel removed her mouth from Arthur's neck, attempting to steady her breathing for the climax that was mere seconds away. Finally, after a sharp intake of air, she let her orgasm wash through her in one great, unsubtle moan. As her spasms began to rock through her body, her already tight walls began to tighten even further. Combined with a few final deep thrusts into her, Arthur too let his belayed climax hit, filling Hazel's squirting pussy with his hot seed.

As their joint orgasms began to come down, Arthur rolled back on his side facing Hazel. Their bodies, still only half covered from their romp, laid still in the dim moonlight. The faint glisten of sweat sparkling like dew on morning grass. Hazel loved it; Being able to make love facing your mate, bodies melding together so perfectly and beautifully. Arthur loved it; Being cared for and caring in return with his love in such an intimate way that it mattered not if he was king or not. And so they both lay there, stares without words yet filled with an unmistakable message. As both Arthur and Hazel finally drift off into sleep, that message remained resonating within them well into that autumn night. Its clarity unmistakable, its meaning ever powerful, its voice the collection of their years both together and to come.

"I love you."


>Hazel: Mmmm, what's this made of?
>Merlin: Hazelnuts I believe.
>Hazel: (Bites her arm for a moment) It tastes nothing like me!
>Fun Fact: Red Squirrels enjoy tree sap from time to time.

>Hazel goes into heat when Arthur isn't around
>Arthur still hasn't gotten to the more… adult lessons with Hazel, other than the sex they already have
>She goes crazy whenever he leaves with Merlin.
>Everytime he returns, she drags him into their bedroom.
>The servants hear those two go at it for hours.

>"Aren't they a little young?"
>"We don't ask questions when it comes to…"
>A loud moan is heard
>"besides, it's fun cleaning up his bite wounds later. They're always in the most interesting places"
>"One time, I found a few on his thighs, and even a couple on his posterior!"
>"Oh my! Aren't those marks that women usually have?"
>"Not in this relationship"
>Hazel walks infront of them, sweaty, with her petite body covered in a blanket. She grabs a plate of food, gives the women a thank you, and goes back upstairs
>"My god"
>"So, why hasn't the king have any little princes or princesses yet?"
>"Some new fangled thing the wizard came up with. He calls it a contraceptive."

>Hazel is just fuckin' around the castle while Arthur rests from their recent love making session.
>Overhears servants gossiping.
>"I heard Merlin collected that red headed minx from some foreigners to be the kings concubine."
>"Well I heard she's a distant cousin that's providing King Arthur a worthy heir!"
>"I've heard she was a squirrel!"
>Hazel grins as she snacks on some apples.
>"Or, you know, I might be a concu-whatever that means!"

Epic Hazel

Someone decided to commission a series of images depicting Arthur and Hazel in the Wasteland from Epic Mickey where they go on adventures and fight all kinds of dip spewing monsters.

The Number i

Animoose 1344950129375

They seemed to bleed out of the stark white space that surrounded them. Small, tar-black bodies wormed their way out from unseen cracks in the ether, molding themselves features as they twisted and writhed with all the skill of a clumsy child; Long, tube-like arms that ended in vicious talons; Chunky, clawed feet that pooled below their wiry legs and dripping potbellied bodies. Their faces though, took up most of their form as well as Arthur’s attention; misshapen, bulbous visages that melted and drooped to reveal large frenzied eyes and rows of craggy, mismatched teeth. Twin mounds balled from the inky substance that made them would have made for comical ears, if not for what they were attached to.

Arthur’s fingers gingerly drifted to Excalibur’s grip as he did his best to carefully scrutinize these creatures, trying desperately to find some vestige of intellect or reason.

“Your desire for diplomacy is admirable but misplaced,” i cooly said, “There is no reasoning with creatures such as these.”

The boy gulped, even with these feral imps poised to strike, i still managed to be the most unnerving thing in the room. “What are they?”

“Stains part of a greater Blot, extensions of the fatal mistake that has sullied Wasteland for decades,” i explained, its words stilted but dripping with contempt. “Even weakened as it is, it can muster up the strength to send such agents through this grand space to steal riches of other worlds.” it stole a glance at the enchanted blade at Arthur’s side, “Or weapons to aid in its savage bid for power. I thought you to be one such creature when I attacked you.”

By now the blotlings had noticed Excalibur as well, causing Arthur’s hold on it to tighten even more. “I look nothing like them.” he shot back.

i set its strange key-shaped weapon on the ground, lacing its fingers atop the handle. “Their ilk has become more sophisticated as of late. Some are so cleverly disguised that you would not realize their true nature until they are close enough to slit your throat.”

The decidedly not disguised wretches shrieked in a savage rage before charging at the former combatants; some sprouting wings to haphazardly fly whilst others sprinted toward them with inhuman speed. The gnashing of fangs and the wet splattering of tar or ink or whatever infernal mixture they had been concocted in, echoed throughout the empty realm.

Excalibur was unsheathed now, the tentative grip turned iron as Arthur readied himself to receive this new threat, a desperate plan formulating in his head amidst techniques and strategies that could slay these abominable foes.

He looked sideways at i, its eyes (did it even have eyes?) still concealed by its hood. “If I help you defeat these…things, will you let me pass?”

Barely a second passed before i gave a sudden, frosty chortle.

“You assume,” its voice settling back into its passive tone, “That I require your assistance.”


Animoose 135183438842

"Everything drowns," The grey horror knight Aggro-Vain had rasped moments before his corpse green transport devoured his wounded armored form.

The ground beneath the serpent's head began to swell and crack; foul black water started to leak from the earthen fissures. A warped roar of effort bellowed from the creature's mouth as six massive, metal legs of rusted brass burst from the land.

Their cruel knife-like tips smashed into the growing muck, groaning and shuddering as they made to pull something even larger out with them.

Arthur and Hazel stood there, mouths agape. The boy's arms were still extended, Excalibur's lustrous edge shaking in his weakening grip as golden circles of light within the tainted pool rose to reveal eyes that shone an empty glow, each the size of his head. He nearly screamed when he felt a harsh tug on his sleeve.

"We have to go!" Hazel commanded, herself at the cusp of running as she pulled him to join her.

"You heard the lady! Start running blondie!" Oswald's head yelled.

And so they ran.

And as the monster's titanic maw surged from the ground at last, filled to the brim with ink-blank teeth attached to bloated flesh, it pursued.

But amidst the blood-curdling roars and the crashing din of the Pastel Forest being smashed into the ink-blue sea, Arthur couldn't help but wonder how Oswald had managed to yell at him without any lungs.

9 to 5

Animoose 1349679149022

Arthur had never seen a mermaid before. He had only heard tales of them back home in England. How could a nation surrounded by water not have legends of the sea and the terrible wonders that it could house?

And yet, though his vision was murky in the oceans of Wasteland, he couldn't help but notice that there was something not quite right with his would be savior. The texture of the seashells that formed her top appeared to be that of solid foam or shiny, padded satin. He could see the faint outline of human legs underneath her scaly lower body as if her tail was one big glittering stocking that she slipped into on occasion.

However, Arthur could feel no malice in this deception, no wickedness in this apparent disguise. Excalibur remained at his side, there was no threat for it to vanquish. Perhaps if he had been younger he would have accepted this creature in its totality, too enthralled with wonder to question the smaller inconsistencies that fueled his disbelief.

The easing of his ravaged lungs proved the magic of her kiss was real enough. However, so was the furious look on Hazel's face. Arthur tried not to blush as he thought of this mermaid having to do the same to save her from drowning as well.

Siege of Silent Cove

Animoose 134201760590

Arthur and Hazel confront the dreaded aquatic Blotworks, Naught-Loss in the depths of the ocean while trying to obtain Clarent from the Siren of Silent Cove before the creature can.

“Beyond the rusting, grafted armor the beast chafed against and the bruised, dying flesh that preceded its craggy teeth, there was nothing but blackness, all consuming, unnatural and absolute. The young king firmly believed that if he were to touch it, even without its being surrounded by such a titanic leviathan, he would simply cease to be.

However, despite gazing face-to-face with an immense aquatic beast cobbled together from prehistoric terrors and discarded industrial dreams, Arthur still felt the need to point out that the mermaid had kissed them both to help them breathe underwater and that Hazel had no real reason to be so cross with him about the matter.

The Sky Sheathe

Animoose 1350921694657

As they were on the cusp of ascending to the upmost peak of the mountain, Arthur entertained the idea of setting or even dropping Hucua down. Surely the source of the light that had guided them through the choked remains of the Kingdom of the Sun all the way to these verdant hills and fields that it guarded with its glow would blind those that gazed at it. Hazel was a little ways ahead though. Arthur made to warn her to cover her eyes before she proceeded further only to see the young girl stop in her tracks, transfixed at something ahead of her. He hurried to reach her, Hucua's babbling a tepid buzz in his ear. Then he saw it too. There, floating above a deep, earthen crater, was the scabbard. Arthur looked in awe at the sight; Even the ever talkative golem he carried on his back was silent.

It seemed impossibly large, a pillar of light, a luminiscent column that reached into the sky far beyond their sight. But although it was bright, its glow did not burn or blaze or harm; It soothed, like a candle in the endless night that kept the shadows at bay, or the tender heat from a fireplace amidst the harsh wintertime cold.

At this distance, Arthur could see that only the chape, the cap, was physical in any sense. A simple triangle of gold, decorated with runes that resembled different things for those there: For Hucua they looked like a sun framed over a valley, Hazel saw them as an abstract bird of prey while Arthur thought they represented a sage eye atop a great tower. Regardless, all understood, that this trinket was the seed from which this immense, lustrous megalith had sprung from.

This was what he had come to the Wasteland for; this innocuous looking answer to Excalibur's destructive power. All ready he could feel the dreams of cleaving atoms in twain and unwittingly unleashing cataclysm across the Earth fade in the face of this great talisman. With this, he would never need to fear again, he could live forever, the kingdom he would build would stand till the end of time and perhaps even beyond it. He understood why the Blot wanted it now. It had shielded this portion of the land in defiance to all its schemes and campaigns and would surely protect his own from injury of any sort. This was why he was here, why he had come all this way...wasn't it?


Animoose 134375255795

More-Dread's life had been filled with pain, even with the power he had in his possession every slash and stab still stung, his insides ever burning him from within, a constant reminder that he was not supposed to exist. But he had cheated his fate, wrenched invincibility from the craven hands of his would-be father and his soul howled in delight as his blows found purchase on the man that had forsaken him. And now this rodent, this abominable vermin...she had not been in the stories, not in any of the tales of King Arthur he had been made knowledgeable since his grim creation. She had cheated, she must have, she was a novice in combat, her unnatural form was a frail, weak thing! He could never conceive that the scabbard glinted like a diamond each time it healed him, allowing the girl to pinpoint exactly where it was housed in his amorphous form. Yet, as the holy relic, once his father's downfall, now his, was blasted from his body, there was no pain. Just a wretched, numbing cold that was swiftly silencing the roar of his blazing soul. By Clarent's steel, this Land of Fallen Knights, where he had intended to bury his quarry, had become his own final resting place.

Epic Hazel

Animoose 1335058280331

The beast stood before them, eyes surging with putrid green fire, maw set in a melting, hungry grin. It had hounded them From Tempest Canyon to the Wonder Bad Lands and through the Court of the Wasteland King in a myriad of forms and avatars, yet Arthur could not bring himself to hate it.

He thought of King Oswald, once famed and beloved, cast aside and replaced. He thought of Newt, who had never even gotten a chance to find a place in people's hearts before his exile. And he thought of that shadow, moaning and forlorn, that of Mordred, the son (or was it nephew?) he had had in another life and would perhaps never meet again.

The creature that had looked at him with the same gaze as the Blot’s through his cage-like visor. A vengeful, hateful one full of accusation and blame towards his once, might've been father. Arthur briefly wondered if the black-clad knight had felt any kinship at all with its master that stood before him now, as they were both children of accident. Perhaps the Blot possessed the same sense of self-awareness and loathing. Though if he were anything like Mordred, apologies and tokens of sympathy would deafly fall on whatever it used to hear, if it could in fact hear at all.

Even so, Arthur's life and to that extent, this recent adventure had taught the young king that even the most inhuman of creatures, be they beast or homunculus, could feel, could love, could hate, could hurt. The conclusion of the last battle with the traitorous paladin still rung loud and painful in his memory; His would-be slayer murmuring for something that pride has stopped him from asking in life as he succumbed to a wound most mortal, the sword that had dealt the killing blow falling from Hazel's hands as she shook in fear and terror at what she had done to protect him. As he embraced her, he could feel every emotion running through her body, the horror, the relief, the guilt, the shame. It had taken all his will, battered and bruised as he had been, not to weep himself and instead comfort her in that pitch-black moment.

It was a disconcerting thought that underneath the mostly happy temperaments of the people of Wasteland was this great, dark mass of rage and sorrow, like a stain on their souls that threatened to spread and overwhelm them. Yet it was true, just as the thought that there was something warm and gentle within the most frightening and intimidating of beings that could be nurtured and grown was.

Maybe it was even possible for the Blot, conniving and destructive as it was. A chance that it could resist its corrosive nature, make peace with the contradiction that was its existence, that of paint and thinner, creation and destruction. But the deluded, desperate desire on its face made it apparent that such enlightenment was not forthcoming.

He turned his gaze to his companion who had apparently decided to do the same. They had been through so much; she had been through so much. Dealing with his lost memory of her, traveling alongside this boy that had thought of her as a stranger through wrecked and wondrous lands, fighting and running against whatever dangers presented themselves, gaining the sword Clarent from the Siren of the Silent Cove to help him combat the Ghost Nautilus, slowly making him fall in love with her again all the while, even as his recollections of their past started to return.

It was funny, it had been him chasing her all this time like she had done to him many moons before. He didn't eve realize until they had to part when the border wouldn’t let her cross over with him. Now, holding her hand, he could feel a warmth he had once known return to her, her heart restored at seeing him return for her once more.

And the words flowed out, simple, strong and poignant as a prophecy. Forming a promise that beyond this looming void, the sky under which they first met was impeccably blue and waiting for them to walk under it once more:

"Don't worry Hazel. We'll make it out of here. I promise."


(Don't bother reading this, it's only here because it can be)

Going on the assumption that this is an alternate time line, at some point this version of Aurthur and Hazel will probably become detached from the prime time line as history flows in the way it is predetermined to flow in. The versions wondering the wasteland being our discarded-by-time incarnations of the characters as the Aurthur in the prime timeline slowly forgets about all events that were not meant to transgress, as if they were a forgotten dream. They might've ventured into the wasteland in the first place looking for an alternate Camelot where things were less set in stone.

Wasteland is like a giant loophole where alternate versions of characters can continue to simultaneously exist even when they are not logically supposed to. The loophole abuse is endless and goes even further if we take into account the /co/-verse settings, and by extension the multi-board-verse settings. Only Hazel would probably be able to venture into those settings though.

Knights of the Tomorrow Kingdom

An idea that started in 2012 when anons began wondering how Hazel would work in Arthurian lore. A lot of the concepts are unfinished and not likely to be finished any time soon if ever, but there's interest in knowing about it even in 2021 so here we go.

The Pitch:
The Isles of Albion are besieged by chaos and wickedness, warlords and monsters. Given a chance vision of the future, young King Arthur ventures forth to alter his grim destiny alongside his mentor, Merlin and ebullient companion, Hazel. But not everything is as it was in his premonition and his efforts to alter his destiny in these strange unforeseen circumstances may bring about a different if equally ruinous outcome!

The Prize(s):
The Miraculous 13 Treasures of the Islands of Britain capable of discerning the righteous from the wicked, feeding the starving masses with limitless bounties, or wreaking further havoc on the tattered lands if wielded improperly.

The Knights so far:

  • Marrok - A werewolf whose level of lycanthropy is inversely proportionate to his modesty (ie clothing). If he gets naked he becomes a wolfman. Makes taking baths difficult.
Adventure promt - Strange reports of a "Walking Wolf" has Arthur enlist the aid of a reluctant Hazel ("Who goes out of their way to chase a wolf?!") to navigate the great forest in search of this mysterious threat. (See The Knight of the Whool).
  • Palomides and Tristram - Would-be, feuding bodyguards that can't agree on anything including the name of the young lady they're mutually in love with.
Adventure prompt - Squires and wannabe bodyguards, Palomides and Tristram don't agree on a lot of things including the name of the young woman they're mutually in love with and charged with protecting (Isolde, Isoude, Yseult? eh). However, Arthur must find a way to get them to work together lest what'shername gets kidnapped and himself made a casualty of their violent feuding.
  • Dagonet - A minstrel with something to hide.
Adventure prompt - Hazel's day out in the city goes awry as she inexplicably finds herself having to protect a minstrel named Dagonet from an implausibly large group of assassins, but not everything is as it seems.
  • Gaheris Orkney - A "Son of Lot", and thus a candidate for the prophesied scoundrel that will bring ruination to all of England. However, he is easily the most noble and trustworthy of the "four.
Adenture prompt - Arthur's premonition of the future showed much but revealed little. Of note was the claim that a "Son of Lot" would be his downfall though the old King had perished shortly after Uther. Soon after Arthur is approached by Gaheris lost scion of Lot entrusted by his father to aid England's new king when he appears. He seems harmless enough, almost unremarkable but wasn't Arthur not the same way?
  • Gawain/Agravaine Orkney - Peerless Hero and Vicious Heel trapped in the same body. One emerges with the sun, the other with the moon.
  • Gareth Orkney - Crafty, underhanded and somewhat self-serving middle (?) child of the three.
Adventure prompt - With his faith in Gaheris firm as stone, the Prophecy of Lot comes to haunt Arthur as his new ally begs for his help in finding his brothers Gawain, Agravaine and Gareth who have gone missing from their shared home. What he, Hazel and Gaheris discover on their search is as absurd as it is grotesque: a mammoth game of chess with living, masked warriors as the pieces. Bouts of life and debt waged for the amusement of a savage audience and presided over by a being known only as The Red Knight. In this monochromatic battlefield on either side stands one of Arthur's most promising knights as well as one of those responsible for his kingdom falling. One rises with the sun, the other the moon. A race against time begins, the contest must be dismantled lest Agravaine gains the upper hand. It is eventually revealed that Gawain and Agravaine are the same person ala Jekyll and Hyde, switching personalities depending on the time of day. Gareth had been constantly swapping sides with his brothers (much like his deception in Le Morte D'Arthur) as time progressed to keep the matches in a deadlock and delay their captors from killing them all and starting fresh. Also of note, the cornerstone of the master of ceremonies' power is in fact The Chessboard of Gwenddoleu ap Ceidio, one of the Thirteen Treasures of the Island of Britain. This piques Arthur's interests and he considers making the recovery of the other 12 a priority lest they fall into the hands of wicked men.
  • Bedivere - Arthur's one-handed right-handed man. Highly professional, amusingly unflappable.
  • Kay - Arthur's boorish surrogate brother from the film. Crass, clueless and a frequent (if deserving) victim of enchantments gone awry.
Some good relationship drama between him and Arthur could be neat to see (Kay's resentment, Wart's admiration of his surrogate brother). It could also form some nice parallels to the Orkneys. He also has some supernatural powers in a few of the legends such as the ability to grow tall as the tallest tree in the forest, the power to radiate supernatural heat from his hands and the endurance to go nine days/nights without breathing or sleeping.
Rather than give him such overwhelming powers, I think it'd be amusing to have him being a frequent (if deserving) victim of enchantments gone awry
>getting blown up till he's as tall as a tree
>getting his hands covered in mystical fire rendering him unable to touch anything even himself without badly burning it
>Being stricken with a case of "Magic Insomnia"
With his misadventures becoming legendary in spite of his attempts to cover them up.
  • Lancelot - Flirtatious French Squire, may have a vested interest in Hazel.
>Keeps making passes at Hazel
>doesn't know she used to be a squirrel
>fails miserably every time by giving her things like kittens and other stuff squirrels hate
>Hazel always runs right back into Aurthur's arms afterwards, clinging to him for dear life
Episode idea - There could be a tournament of some sort, Lancelot's been a proper thorn in Arthur's side through most of it, rather cheeky that the knight he squires for is dominating the competition. There are two possible grand prizes: A Tidy Sum or a Duel with King Arthur Himself. Lancelot's knight chooses the former but instead of handing it to him, Arthur tosses him the gold, which he catches with his left-hand when up till then, he had been using his right one to battle. Arthur correctly infers that the knight is really Lancelot himself, as he had seen the snooty young squire use his left hand for drinking, eating and of course, flirting with Hazel. While a calm response would probably defuse such an audacious claim, Lancelot does not take the accusation well and promptly throws a sword at Arthur and moves in to fight him, as is his lesser known nature as a brutal warrior berserker in some legends of Arthurian lore. What results is a battle that Arthur manages to win if barely.
Lancelot gains a bit of respect for Arthur, and Arthur is rather impressed with Lancelot's skill (though he still doesn't like him that much), even going so far as to let him go home despite the assault. Who knows? Maybe even the man who betrayed him in one life can help him in a future that grows ever murkier with each passing day.

The Knight of the Wool (incomplete)

“Come along, Hazel.” Arthur chided, gingerly slipping in-between two trees as he did so.

A sound not wholly unlike that of a pantry shelf spilling its contents on the kitchen floor rose in answer before Hazel could.

“Be right there.” Her muffled voice cried. At least, that’s what Arthur thought she said. Honestly it was getting to the point he could barely make out what she was saying anymore.

She tried to follow suit through the trees only to find herself wedged in between them.

Arthur bit back a chuckle, “Could you please take off that ridiculous outfit before you fall into a river.”

“There’s nothing ridiculous about what I’m wearing!” she tried to protest but all that came out was a gurgled jumble of sound. Her indignation spoke volumes though.

In a way that was true. For the past few weeks, the people of Albion had been terrorized by what they could only describe as a giant wolf; A beast as tall as a man with hair as black as night and teeth as gold as the waxing moon that was large and powerful enough to shatter wooden borders and carry off whole heifers in its jaws to its den in the woods. Or at least, so they said. Hazel had come with him to inspect the damage and as he asked the villagers questions she had wandered about, sniffing the air, looking perplexed. She soon told him that it didn’t smell like a wolf had come around those parts. Closer inspection and a more forceful line of questioning revealed that a farmer had lost control of one of his bulls in the middle of the night, shattering several of his neighbors’ fences and scattering a number of nearby sheep into the woods where they were probably devoured by very real, regular-sized wolves. That seemed to settle things. The monster was shown to be a rumor and a scapegoat.

Honestly, it was absurd that this wasn’t the most ridiculous way someone had tried to weasel his way out of paying fines since he had taken the throne. The moment word had gotten out that one of his closest confidants was a wizard, people would come to him with the most outlandish claims of supernatural forces, eldritch spirits and arcane curses running rampant in their communities. He wished he could outright dismiss them, he really did, but given the company he kept that would be incredibly hypocritical on his part. Merlin wasn’t much help in debunking these claims. Every time he asked him if such a creature or spell or happening could exist the old mage would shrug and blithely say, “It’s possible.” As many of his knights didn’t have much experience with magic, Arthur often found himself having to go down and verify these claims himself.

The ones that tended to bother him the most were the ones involving witches. They occurred often with the accused coming in all shapes, ages and sizes and the grounds for their prosecution being just as varied. Anything from an odd accent to a caustic mumble could set the skittish parts of these peoples’ minds ablaze. The slightest peculiarity in these troubled times could set of a paranoid frenzy in the populace. There was a logic behind it however deranged as it was far easier to blame the troubled experienced by a village, a city or a nation on the actions of a singular individual, Arthur knew this all too well. Not that that made these hunts right by any extent of the imagination.

Hazel frequently went with him on these trips to keep him company as well as to see more of England. Granted, angry mobs wielding torches and pitchforks (sometimes in broad daylight) began to look alike after a while but she always found a way to occupy herself while Arthur tried to make sense of the situation. Case in point, there was one rather frustrating incident wherein a particularly petulant noble and a crowd of villagers was on the verge of throwing an unfortunate bound young woman into a river of modest depth. The logic being that if she was to float then she was a witch, as characterized by their supernatural lightness. It was a rather half-baked version of the test, there wasn’t even a rope on her with which they could pull her up with in case she didn’t float and even if there was, the current of the river was far too strong for it to be of any use. Not that any real witch would find herself at the mercy of such a farce. Arthur shuddered to think what would happen if anyone tried to subject Madame Mim to such trials, there’d be talk of purple dragons raging around the countryside for months.

The noble, a rather portly and disagreeable fellow, was grilling him after he had voiced disapproval of the village’s methods. He went on and on, lambasting Arthur for having a warlock (a common misconception) in his council, accusing the young king of conferring with infernal forces instead of eradicating them as the heavens intended. Hazel had wandered off in the midst of the man’s ramblings, leaving Arthur alone to contend with the onslaught of zealotry and spittle. Arthur ran his hand over his face, his hand taking its time as it slid down his features in a futile effort to muffle the cacophonous slander.

As he opened his eyes to confront the madness once more, he noticed something floating down the river. It wasn’t a stick, a leaf or any manner of natural detritus but one of the pitchforks that had somehow avoided recruitment into this war against the arcane. Over time more items drifted into view, apparently joining the pitchfork in its great escape. The crowd had their backs to the river, the noble too busy yelling at him, the villages too transfixed at seeing their king being raked over the coals, and the imperiled accused too frightened to look away from her only chance to escape. But eventually, all followed Arhtur’s perplexed gaze to the river whereupon they were greeted with the sight of various articles of clothing, farming implements, and containers of assorted shapes and levels of buoyancy going past. Before anyone could pin the blame of this odd but incredibly mild nuisance on the “witch”, Hazel came into the picture, walking along the riverbank, humming slightly to herself and carrying in her arms a bundle of miscellaneous items, none of which were hers. A small jug was propelled toward the waves with a flick of her wrist, a villager’s eyes widened in recognition at the tossed object, and the mystery was solved.

Almost instantaneously, the noble had diverted his attention away from Arthur to the young redhead blithely lobbing apples and dinner utensils into the water. He asked, no, demanded to know what she was doing. In contrast to her cross, jittery attitude as she was trapped between two oaken trees, Hazel blithely answered in a manner that was almost polite, “Checking for witches,” The noble gaped at her, flabbergasted. “Good thing too, there seem to be a lot of them here. Not to worry though, some of the stuff just sank so you’re probably mostly safe.” She then expressed surprise at his inquiry. After all, it was the way to test for witches wasn’t it?

A man less prone to anger would’ve seen the irony of the misconception, perhaps even called for his peers to go after the tossed items instead of shouting at the top of his lungs and demanding immediate compensation with interest for Hazel’s careless blunder. Not that you could tell by listening to him as all his threats, commands and lamentations melded together into an incomprehensible torrent of thunderous unpleasantness. No one seemed to know how to react to the deafening gibberish. Even the mob was robbed of its bloodlust as they slowly began to back away from their furious would-be leader. All save Hazel who after enduing two full minutes of the man’s incensed gibberish, wiped a speck of his propelled saliva off her face and promptly kicked him into the river.

Of course, he did give Hazel a firm talking to about respecting the property of others afterwards and compensating the villagers for their lost belongings put a strain of the all ready worn royal coffers. But it was the ideal outcome for matters of this sort; with no one hurt and a smile on his face once all was said and done. This wolf business seemed to be going that way. The people’s minds were eased with the knowledge that it had all been a hoax that had spun out of control. Given time, the talk of it would die down completely and no more attention would be paid to it.

Then a seven-foot wolf walking on two legs tried to break into a laundress’s home in broad daylight, in plain sight for nearly a dozen men and women to witness the violent attempted invasion. The beast bounded into the forest, leaving as quickly as it had arrived, but the damage was done. What might have been ruse had become reality. There was a monster living amongst the trees and no one in or near them was safe.

Search parties were sent out, guards posted at the edge of hamlets that bordered the woods but nothing came of it. Arthur even put up a reward, the amount of which being technically more than he could afford) for the wolf’s capture to little avail. He was at a loss as to what could be done until Merlin casually suggested that he try finding the wolf himself. Which would’ve been fine by him if he knew the territory. Though he had gone into the forest a number of times he didn’t really know his way around it and that was a must if he was going to go after something that probably knew it like the back of its hand...or paw as it were. And so with every other hunter and tracker refusing on the grounds that hunting a beast that large and fast alone was tantamount to suicide, he turned to Hazel, a former denizen of those dark timberlands. She agreed, reluctantly and with much protestation and locking of doors, but she agreed to guide him on one condition.

And now here he was, trying to pull his companion, decked out in a full suit of armor, from a breach of trees she was far too bulky to fit through, as she was dressed.

“I still don’t understand why you have to do this.” She grunted as he continued to pull. “Couldn’t you just send more of your shoulders to find it?”

“Soldiers, Hazel, soldiers.” Arthur replied, trying to get a better grip on her armor. “And no, I think the reason none of them have caught it is that large groups make too much noise and take a while to get mobilized.” He explained as his search for a decent handhold continued in vain. “I thought one or two people would stand a better chance at catching up to it but I’m starting to have second thoughts.”

“Does that mean we’re turning back?” Hazel asked, her eagerness amplified and words distorted by her much too large helmet.

At that, Arthur ceased his efforts at pulling her free. “Hazel, this is getting ridiculous. We’re not going anywhere while you’re wearing that.”

“Just use Excalibird to cut the trees away so I can get through.” She tried to point at the sword by his side, but couldn’t get any farther than his stomach with her crimped limbs.

“Excalibur, Hazel,” Arthur corrected. He looked to the legendary blade sheathed at his side. When he had, against his better judgment, decided to bring with them on this quest in case the extraordinary wolf was resistant to ordinary swords. He never dreamed he’d be using it for this though. “Maybe I should just cut you out of that armor instead.”

“No-no-no-no-no! You promised, Arthur!” Futile attempts to wag her finger at him were made, which only caused her oversized gauntlets to shake.

“You can hardly move!”

“That’s because I’m stuck!” she panted. “I can move just fine otherwise.”

Arthur sighed. As he made ready to pull Excalibur from its scabbard, a thought came to mind. Just a small thought, laughably simple and yet… “I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“What wouldn’t hurt?” Hazel asked, a bit worried at seeing Arthur’s hand fall away from Excalibur’s hilt.

Without a word, Arthur stepped directly in front of Hazel and put his hands on her breastplate. She would have blushed if he hadn’t given her a strong shove shortly afterwards, sending her toppling from her wooden prison and landing hard on her steel-covered back. “OW!” she yelped.

“Sorry.” She heard Arthur say from outside her vision. Within moments he was hovering over her, his expression an absurd mixture of amused and penitent. “I guess it did end up hurting a bit.” He apologized as he stretched out his hand.

Hazel took the outstretched hand in her clunky metal one and tried to get herself vertical as best as she could. Arthur did what he could to pull her to her feet. By some miracle, Hazel managed to get upright and the search continued.

The anon who was writing The Knight of the Whool suffered a hard drive crash in 2012 and never finished writing it.